thoughts 2.10.15

Alcoholic boyfriend, suicidal father, bi-polar mother, atleast I have an awesome sister.

Just wanted to start writing down my thoughts.

My pawpaw's funeral is tomorrow. Hopefully, my dad doesn't make it about himself, instead of pawpaw. Hopefully my aunt didn't write the eulogy like she wrote the obituary, making my uncle and his family sound so formal and then my dad, my sister and I are just names written down.

I can't believe I'm still annoyed with my family this much 10 years after 2005. I hoped as a teenager then, life would be different, but it is just as frustrating as it was then. I wish people weren't so selfish. I'm trying to be more selfish lately, just to fit in with society. It's not making me feel any better.

I'm very confused on what to do with my boyfriend, he doesnt intentionally pick alcohol over me, but he still does almost everyday. This is the second night in a row he passed out from drinking next to me at 9pm. I'm currently just binge watching Game of Thrones, when I should be studying for a test that I can't afford the textbook for. Hopefully I dont fail. I'll just take a xanax for pawpaw's funeral and hopefully, I can focus after.

I love my grandpa's life time frame. He was born in 1924 and lived until 2015. He worked 3 careers. He was an aviation mechanic in world war II. Married my grandma at 23. Then owned a service station, Frank's Conoco on prytania and robert st for 20 years. then worked for jefferson parish sheriff's office as a mechanic for 28 years. So hardworking and dealt with my grandma. She dealt with him in his last years with having dementia so badly. But regardless, He was a simple hardworking man. He said once that he wasn't supposed to pick a favorite grandchild but I was his favorite. I was around him the most and I listened to whatever craziness he had said. He called all of his granddaughters, " Beautiful Living Doll".

realized that all most people want is to be listened to with respect. Everyone wants to tell their story. As long as you do this, everyone will like you. I only have one person I have "defriended". Sometimes I wish everyone didn't like me, because most of the time, you end up with friends you may not want in the long run. I can think of a few of those off the top of my head.

This 1st post is quite random. Just never dont one before and didnt know where to start.
To end, I found a quote tonight, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all" - Helen Keller