the week after MG....

So Mardi Gras ended... thank god! yesterday i got the last of the 8 people that stayed with us during MG 2015. The last person to go was the worst. My friend brought him here and then left him here with us to deal with. He's past the point of being communicable. He's drinking makes his IQ like a 40. He also does flush the toliet....ever. he never asked if he could stay, just moved on into our living room for the day. I'm also his drunken brain tried to steal my keys, we asked him to search his pockets multiple times and he did, but only found my 3 detached keychains but none of my keys...... Finally when he realized we werent leaving until we had keys, he miraculously found them in his jeans pockets, that i had watched him check previously...... no comment.

Well now, for whatever fucking reason, My boyfriend has decided he's going to help him with his alcoholism even though, geoff can't control his alcoholism. He was out until 2:00am with Jill and Tabe(new guy) drinking and smoking pot. I had been waiting on him at home since 9pm and then he had the nerve to ask if i had cooked anything at 2 fucking AM. eventually he had set enough rude remarks at me while i was trying to sleep, for me to move to the guest bed. so 7am comes around and he moves into the guest bed with me, i let him. 10am we wake up and someone is at the door. ohhhh its fucking Tabe (im gonna call him Table because it autocorrects that way and hes as dumb as a table). and so naturally, geoff just takes the dog and locks the door and leaves without telling me anything. and he of course leaving his dead phone here, meanwhile his dad is texting me where he is, and i can't tell him the truth. but god, do i feel like it...

I know I don't make things easier for him either, but my things are not a choice. Mine are "my grandpa died, i need you". Mine are "I totaled my car and i need your support". His are " should i stay home and eat something not drink like Rachel would want?" or "I'm gonna do what my addiction is telling me.... and Drink at Jill's because she won't guilt trip me about it like Rachel will". So, of course, he does the latter....

I dont know how to deal with him like this anymore, i'm hitting a breaking point. He's stressing to me about bills and money, yet i'm not spending any and he's constantly spending on beer and cigarettes, But i'm the asshole for not working more....

I'm also realizing that he took the truck so I can't do anything I would like to do. I just wish he would of asked and not just left like he did. He apparently doesn't respect me enough. He'll say I'm bad at communication. which sometimes its hard for me to tell him my every move, thats not my style. but never for more than 2 hours, while he keeps me waiting for 6 hours, and acts like thats fine.

Just fucking over it, i think. I wish I wasn't sure on what to do.... but i know what I'll probably have to do eventually. Because its been two years, and yes he's overall gotten better with his drinking, but he'll never quit and I need him to....

thoughts 2.10.15

Alcoholic boyfriend, suicidal father, bi-polar mother, atleast I have an awesome sister.

Just wanted to start writing down my thoughts.

My pawpaw's funeral is tomorrow. Hopefully, my dad doesn't make it about himself, instead of pawpaw. Hopefully my aunt didn't write the eulogy like she wrote the obituary, making my uncle and his family sound so formal and then my dad, my sister and I are just names written down.

I can't believe I'm still annoyed with my family this much 10 years after 2005. I hoped as a teenager then, life would be different, but it is just as frustrating as it was then. I wish people weren't so selfish. I'm trying to be more selfish lately, just to fit in with society. It's not making me feel any better.

I'm very confused on what to do with my boyfriend, he doesnt intentionally pick alcohol over me, but he still does almost everyday. This is the second night in a row he passed out from drinking next to me at 9pm. I'm currently just binge watching Game of Thrones, when I should be studying for a test that I can't afford the textbook for. Hopefully I dont fail. I'll just take a xanax for pawpaw's funeral and hopefully, I can focus after.

I love my grandpa's life time frame. He was born in 1924 and lived until 2015. He worked 3 careers. He was an aviation mechanic in world war II. Married my grandma at 23. Then owned a service station, Frank's Conoco on prytania and robert st for 20 years. then worked for jefferson parish sheriff's office as a mechanic for 28 years. So hardworking and dealt with my grandma. She dealt with him in his last years with having dementia so badly. But regardless, He was a simple hardworking man. He said once that he wasn't supposed to pick a favorite grandchild but I was his favorite. I was around him the most and I listened to whatever craziness he had said. He called all of his granddaughters, " Beautiful Living Doll".

realized that all most people want is to be listened to with respect. Everyone wants to tell their story. As long as you do this, everyone will like you. I only have one person I have "defriended". Sometimes I wish everyone didn't like me, because most of the time, you end up with friends you may not want in the long run. I can think of a few of those off the top of my head.

This 1st post is quite random. Just never dont one before and didnt know where to start.
To end, I found a quote tonight, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all" - Helen Keller